Blah

Yeah, I know, I haven't posted anything in a while. I actually did try to post something a couple of days ago, but was having computer problems and couldn't get to this site. It was probably for the best. It wouldn't have been a very cheerful post...LOL. Not that today's will be any more uplifting.

I'm off today. Slept in. Still haven't done anything worthwhile. Kids come back today, so if I'm going to accomplish anything, I better get started soon. And let me tell you, I really need to get something accomplished. This house is a mess. I'm afraid to even walk into the kitchen. But walk, I shall. It has to be cleaned. Maybe I should make a trip to the fitness center and get my metabolism going. That might help. It couldn't hurt. Oh, wait...maybe it could...LOL. I still remember the last visit I took to the fitness center. Took me almost a week to recouperate. I just may take that chance though. I really need to do something to make me feel better.

I need to get out of the house anyway. I didn't even go outside yesterday. I went to lock the door last night and it was still locked...I hadn't even unlocked it. I have a lot of stuff to do outside as well. I should go out and work in my yard pond...I should weed eat...I should clear some brush and cut some wood for the winter.

So many things that need to be done. And here I sit...but not for long. It's a beautiful day out and I think I will motivate myself and head to the fitness club. It's not good for me to sit around the house like this. Yesterday was terrible. I sat around and felt sorry for myself....felt lonely. That's just not me. It did have an instigating incident though...Timothy.

Ok, here's the deal. If you've been reading this...you already know that Timothy and I were together and now we're not. He's been gone since December. Our whole last year together was awful. We both wanted it to end. He found someone online who came and got him and he moved to Illinois. I was surprised at how much it hurt when he left. Who knew? I got over it though and one of the friends I had online professed interest in me and our conversations took on a whole new dimension. My interest turned to him. Back to Timothy...his new move didn't work out. He wanted to come back...but there wasn't really a way to do that. He wanted to start over with us. I, who by now was very interested in Rob (old friend), decided to send Timothy an email, venting all my frustrations I had with our relationship. That was the end of that. Time goes by. Things aren't looking so hot with Rob anymore. Things have cooled. It's not going to go anywhere. I compare him to Timothy too much. I remember all the wonderful things that brought Timothy and I together in the first place. I miss it. Time goes by. My step-father dies after his long battle with Leukemia and I send Timothy an email telling him about it. It opens communication between us again. We start talking...we miss each other. It's nice catching up with what's going on in each other's life. It feels good to have his interest again. But he's there and I'm here and that's not likely to change anytime soon. Then things start to cool off between the two of us. I don't see him online much and I don't get emails. And then the other day I get one. We start talking and we both realize that things between us probably aren't going to go back to what they were. He's building a life there, making new friends...I have my life here, doing the same. It hurt to think that I may never have what I had with Timothy ever again. Still hurts. But life goes on...right? Who knows what the future will bring? At least for a short time I had something special...before it all went wrong. I have the memory. Besides, I'm not exactly old. 42 is not old. I still have a lot of life left in me. Maybe I'll get lucky and find something even better.

Anyway, I've kind of been in a funk lately with the realization that Timothy is perfectly happy living his life without me...LOL...ow. My poor ego. Like I don't have enough self-esteem issues already...LOL. I'm sure I'll be fine though. The sting has already subsided and the ache will go away eventually. Life goes on....but not unless I get my ass out of this chair...LOL.

Gotta go before I bore you with more fascinating details of my pathetic life.

Oh, on a brighter note....I've been writing like crazy. I've beaten my last record of 1300 words in a day. Yesterday I wrote 1600! I'm HOT! yeah, I know...not exactly spectacular.....especially since I seem to only do that on my days off...but it's progress. 4 months ago I was having a hard time just opening my file and doing anything with it. Weeks would go by without one word written. Just think what I might be like in another 4 months time....WOOT!

Ok...I'm really going now. Time is slipping by.

Ciao!